My Failure

After two months, I return to my failed project.  I didn’t last a month. Basically I got drunk one night and lost the journal.  This is an Hindenberg sized failure.  Honestly I thought I could go cheap on the Helium.  And like many of my disasters I just buried this disaster in the corner underneath some dirty clothes and forgot about it.  However a young man named Zomp came to me and said “Say it ain’t so Champ, say you still drink.  Say you will write about drinking for me again!”  How can you say no to bald young lad?  He might be bald because of cancer or scurvy, you can’t take chances. So I am back to my aborted fetus much like Lindsay Lohan’s dad on Inside Edition.

I am going to try to talk only about interesting nights and will take liberty on the drinks of the night.  One thing the blog did do is get me to stop drinking beer.  Beer was almost a third of my caloric intake for a week.  I had to stop for my health.  An occasional beer here or there but mostly just straight alcohol or vodka sodas or rum and diet cokes.  I actually lost weight since quitting beer.  I look more like Seth Rogen than Jonah Hill.  Someday I hope to look like less a cast member of Judd Apatow’s Jewfro Gigolos .

In conclusion, god I suck.  But  I suck because I am lazy.  And being lazy is God damn American way.